A mommy - and LOVING it!

It’s been 8 years and 3 months since I stepped into the kaleidoscopic world of motherhood. In July 2002, a store bought pregnancy test confirmed the change in my status from ‘-‘ to ‘+’! For 3 seconds I hugged myself knowing that for the moment I was the only one in the whole world aware of what was yet to be. I passed on the news to a beaming Jerry! Little did we realize how our world would change! How much more varied and colourful and chaotic and fuller it would get!

Now 8 years later, with two children, I have no memory of my life before being a mom. If I do try to remember, it takes on a monochromatic hue. Yes, those were also good times. Times when the house was not an obstacle course littered with toys. Times when we didn’t have to think of baby-sitting options before we decided on a night out. When my time was pretty much my time. Where I wouldn’t constantly be interrupted while reading a much longed for book.  Where I didn’t have to play ‘Umpire’ and sort out arguments that arise between Diya and Dhruv. But would I want to go back to that time?

We did a trial run during the summer holidays. We sent both the kids to my mom’s place for a week. It was a week of utter boredom! We missed the noise two active kids make. We missed the mess they made! We missed their incessant demands for all things needed Now,Now,Now!

We went out on a dinner date. Thinking that it would be nice to just listen to each other talk. 5 minutes into dinner, we realized that our entire conversation still revolved around Dhruv and Diya. Our lives had changed so irrevocably, our identities had morphed so completely into mommy and daddy that it was futile to expect things, or us, to be otherwise.

So to answer the question – would I want to go back to that time? Not a chance! This is my life. This is me. I am a mommy and I am loving it!

Age be damned! I've got a Rock and Roll heart!

If you are in second half of your third decade, the age jokes pile on real thick! If you have noticed, I haven’t indicated how much into the second half of the third decade I am tip-toeing into. And if I have everyone confused on the decade and which half -then HA! I have succeeded! But getting back to those lame jokes that the ‘twenty somethings’ wish you via sms - I would like to wish them all that ‘your time shall come too’! And oh yes, don’t even get me started on the ‘Age is only a number’ quote! Seriously! And oh the very oft used ‘ Age is in the mind’. My age is etched in my mind and I would so like it to do an automatic subtraction and go back by..umm..half a decade!   

Why? Really, why? I never thought I would get to a stage where I would consider age as a factor which identifies me as a person or precedes my personality. I never thought it would get into a room before I did. I have heard of ‘Age before beauty’ and all that. But this is just a bit much! Now the music that I like and grew up with is either ‘retro’ or ‘classic’. The actors that adorned the walls of my room are either dead or promoting their childrens’ movies. Of course you have Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep looking younger than me, which really doesn’t help at all! Ok, so I haven’t, yet, reached the stage of ‘counting-the-crows-feet-around-my-eyes’ part. But recently I had my son and daughter competing as to who has plucked the most number of white hair from mommy’s head. Psycho couch here I come! Or rather L’oreal is looking ’ O real’.

But with age comes a certain wisdom and I don’t say that ‘just only’, but truly mean it. It has taught me to be more accommodating in certain ways. It has also made me feel less inhibited, I say what I want to say and not just think of what I’d like to say. Age gives you a certain amount of freedom. You are finally only answerable to yourself. No more asking mommy or daddy's permission. Of course these days I tend to ask my son and daughter their permission, but that is a whole different level of dysfunctionalism! And luckily I am still part of that generation that truly believes that patience is a virtue. In this jet-set age, everyone is expecting instant success, instant happiness. Like going to an ATM of love, luck and happiness and withdrawing the right amounts of each. I still, thankfully, remember those days when we had to take tokens and wait our turn at a bank. Then hope that the cashier, with whom you are on a first name basis, counts the right amount of hundreds and while they do, don’t give you advice on marriage, work or savings! Patience works. Always.

Those were the times that we could actually disappear. No mobile phones to follow you, no GPS, no laptop to tie you down. You could actually be ‘out of reach’. When we could watch movies without ‘sushing’ someone talking on a mobile or check for an sms in the middle of a scene, just to know if you missed something more important. The days of watching Doordarshan. Somehow that one channel brought so much of happiness and wonder. My children have a zillion channels to choose from and they are still bored! Or curling up in a corner with a book  and only my imagination giving the words a wing to fly on. How does a book hold against the latest 3-D video game? How can you teach a child to imagine when they are already seeing more than they can imagine?

So to all you young things out there, I say this: I am glad to be where I am. I am glad I have seen technology being invented and not being invented by technology. I am glad that I can reminisce about times that were simpler. And yes, with time we get older. Fact. It is still really up to the individual on how to age. I believe and always will, that nothing should limit you from being what you are and achieving what you have to. And no matter how long you have lived on this blue planet, not to get cynical and jaded. But still view life with wondrous eyes .So cheers to all my friends out there sharing the third decade with me. We were the’ wild gen’ once and I think forever will be! Booyah!

A new Weekend!

Weekends. Like bookends, meant to keep order in things. A break from the insanity of the week gone by and the week to come. An oasis of calm between manic Monday and freaky Friday. Like bookends, weekends can also be interesting or just plain old blocks of wood.

Ever since I got back to full time work, weekends have a new meaning. They are the precious 48 hours I have within which I should fill my every plan. Friday evenings are the best! It has the feel that ‘anything and everything’ can be accomplished! So much time to do all the things planned! Friday nights are even better, the knowing that there is no crazy wake up schedule to keep up, kids to drop off, organize meals, get the washing done – all in the half hour before I grab my bag and lap top and rush to work, already running behind schedule!

Saturdays mornings dawn, smelling of fresh new surprises, of cuddling in bed with Dhruv and Diya. Of making plans, new inventions. Time to just sit with my morning tea and read the newspaper from the front page all the way till the end – yup sports section also happens on a weekend. Time for old handwritten recipes to come out. Time to read a book. Or just flip through the zillion channels on TV and find that one movie that can transport you back in time! Watch a cartoon with the kids. Garden. Dream.

This is my perfect weekend. Very often the reverse happens. Very often Saturdays turn to be the most chaotic day of the week. No time for tea. Newspapers?Huh?What’s that? Run,run,run. Most often to school. For a Parent Teacher Meeting. Where we just wait,wait,wait. Meet other bleary eyed parents. Sit.Stare.Smile. Make inane conversation. Subtly compare grades. Feel good or decide, nah, I don’t want to put my kid under such pressure. I don’t believe in the whole grading system anyway! Outcome depends on whether I met the mom of a top grader or not. Which in turn will set the mood for the weekend, because although I hate those competitive parents, when their son/daughter can read and my 5 year old daughter still occasionally trips through ‘hen’, ‘pan’ and’ fun’, I wonder if I am being too casual in my attitude of ‘they will learn when it’s their time’. If I should take matters into my hands, sit down and teach! This is when I see the smiling face of a perfect weekend fly out the balcony doors!

At other times, it’s my need to make sure that my kids have the best weekend ever (the guilt of being a working mom!)that makes it more hectic than it should. But it’s worth it if my son says ‘AWESOME day mom’. He’s at that age where ‘awesome’ means all things great,good,wonderful. Or when Diya cuddles up next to me and says ‘I love you 10 million, hundred thousand 4 hundred 25 dollars, mom!’ She doesn’t believe in thousands it has to be millions and for some obscure reason there’s a dollar at the end of it. Whatever. It makes me happy.

But this weekend, I can hope, will be my perfect weekend. No PTM. Just me and my 48 hours to do magic with!

Oh! to say Ah!

INSPIRATION. Such an unassuming little word. Such a trivial sounding word. But if a word can move mountains, it should be this word! What’s life without a little inspiration?(We’ll get to the perspiration part later!) Finally it’s that measly one percent that makes you rise above others. I am sure Edison knew that when he made his quote!*

So what inspires me? Me, being Ordinary Citizen and all? I take inspiration from wherever I can get some. Not very choosy, that’s me. I love positive people. They have such a glow about them and so often that glow rubs off on me too. I love people who look at life’s tragic twists and still find something funny to laugh about. Yup, those tiny laugh lines on people’s faces - inspires me! I love to watch babies learn to walk or ride a tricycle or get that tower of blocks to stand, for heaven’s sake! Have you realized the ‘me baby, me be tiny, but me will do it’ attitude of babies! I love it when I see old couples holding hands. Ah, love inspires!

In all this, I have realised that it isn’t my neighbours fancy car or the glittering window of the nearby Tanishq showroom, that inspires me. It’s just life in all its splendor that goads me to be a better person. It’s the innocent trust in my children’s eyes that make me want to be the ‘supermom’ they believe me to be. It’s the shared laughter between my husband and me that inspires our love to achieve a special glow. It’s the quiet confidence my parents have in me that makes me want to cross and jump over life’s barriers. It’s that special giggle shared between sisters that inspires a bond created at birth to strengthen as we grow older.

These are my inspirations. My family. They inspire and very often they also cause me to perspire! But if we dig deep enough, we will find that what inspires us are the simple things in life. The ordinary people we meet that have depths of extraordinariness in them. Everyday occurrences. All it takes is the nose of bloodhound to get a whiff of the extraordinary. A dazzling sunset. An everyday occurrence, but what an extraordinary daily event! What an inspiring end to a day.

What has inspired me recently? “I am the master of my fate; the captain of my soul” William Ernest Henley. Quoted so eloquently by Morgan Freeman in 'Invictus'.
And not to forget ‘itsy bitsy’ spider, who kept climbing that damned water spout!

*”Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration” Thomas Alva Edison

My Land. My heritage. My India

I recently had a completely ‘goose-pimple’ moment. We had gone for “How to train your dragon” and before the movie started they played ‘Jana Gana Mana’. The entire audience stood and it was such an awesome feeling! The sense that we belong to this great and diverse nation. I love our national anthem. I am a proud Indian and it doesn’t matter that the west sees us through patronizing eyes and thinks that poverty, gaseous cows and yoga are what define the Indianess in India. I prefer a broader and less ‘firangi’ point of view.

My India is a land before time. A land that has history few other nations can boast of. The land that Gods walked on. The land where epic battles between good and evil were fought on. The land where a King gave up the killing fields to perpetuate peace and non-violence. A nation where there is harmony in diversity, and even though all of this sounds clichéd, and sometimes one seeks to find the harmony in the diversity, it is still true of India.

My India is a kaleidoscope of colour and texture and all things weird and wonderful. It can never be boring! I stand on my balcony every morning and know that what I see today will be something that I have not seen yesterday and will not see tomorrow. Every second, every day the scene changes! For someone who finds monotony unbearable, can there be anything better? I lived away from India for more than half a decade. It was fun to be away. To experience living away from home and hearth. To form new identities. To learn new things. Imbibe new culture, gasp at new age technology, faster cars, bigger malls, and the piece de resistance- a ‘lane system’ that people follow! It was a beautiful and perfect world. Too perfect for me. I knew that at this roundabout, every summer they would plant marigolds and petunias every winter. Without fail. Every year. The landscaping was perfect. Everything was perfect. The taxi drivers were perfect! When I had a bad day at work how I would miss the trusted Bengaluru auto driver with whom I could pick a fight! I missed all the imperfections that was my India!

We came back, and yes it took a while to adjust to the chaos. To watch where you walk on a footpath, because in India a footpath also doubles up as impromptu urinal. To stay clear from bus windows, as one never knows when a missile of spit may just hit you. To hold my head, my children’s head - lest they tumble off while driving over what was once asphalt but is now more holy than the nearest holy cow chewing cud in the middle of the road. It took me a while. And then like a deep sea diver coming out from exploring the sea bed and the wonders below. I acclimatized. I found my Indianess again. I found my centre.

I want my children to love their country as much as I do. To love it inspite of its many, many, many imperfections. To understand what a rich cultural heritage we have. To be proud of our history. It shouldn’t be limited to corrupt politicians, a redundant caste system, honour killing, female infanticide and oh! the list can go on. But this is my land, this land belongs to my children and their children. This is an irrefutable fact. And it is up to us to bring about the change we seek. It is heartening to see more and more people getting involved in making India better. There is more awareness now then even 10 years ago. I like to believe that we have shrugged off our cloaks of apathy and are striving to make a difference. “Jaago re” rings not just when I drink my morning tea, but every time I feel complacent.

We are a land of people and this same people can make all the difference. We are a nation of one billion people. If all us wants to take India forward who can stop us?

This is the road, this is the road to hell!

Uggh! I just got out of the morning traffic. How appropriate it would be if ‘TRAFFIC’ were a foul four lettered word! One uses it, and its more obscene cousins, often enough in the traffic!

I fail to understand how normal, decent people become complete selfish maniacs when they have a wheel in front of them and four wheels below! Does the engine drive the Mr. Hyde into them? Do they leave behind the benign Dr Jekyll, the minute they close the car door? I don’t know. All I know is that the roads have become race tracks, where everyone is trying to get ahead. Nosing the other car out of the way, honking at traffic signals - while the light is still red. Impatient to get ahead. Don’t even get me started on those motorists who conveniently drive the wrong way.

What is even more annoying is that these very same people, drive like angels with a halo over their heads, when in another country. You will hardly see an Indian being caught for a traffic offense in any foreign country. But while in India..aahhh, then it is time for some bollywood 'rock n roll' on the roads! Some ‘dishum-dishum masala’ at the intersections. Not to forget the song-n-dance between bike, auto and taxi cabs. Full ‘tamasha’ only! But certainly not very entertaining ‘tamasha’.

A recently conducted survey showed that people driving during peak hours of traffic showed an abnormally high BP reading! Not surprising.

If I had three traffic wishes, I would first wish away those impatient horns. Next, the mad overtaking - the ‘I have places to reach faster than you’ attitude. And last, I would wish for a sense of decorum while driving.

Adding a small nursery rhyme, which my daughter sings to me at every traffic signal, just to jump start our misty memories:
“Twinkle, twinkle traffic light
Standing in the corner bright
Red says STOP, green says GO
And yellow says, better go S-L-O-W.”

Mr. Bean and Education

Animation. Cartoons. Walt Disney. Tom and Jerry. Words that can make me smile. Words that would make most adults smile and kids shriek with joy. Ok, so there are more cartoons now than when I was younger. Ok, there are more channels now than ever before. And ok, there are more cartoon channels than even the kids can keep up with. So now, we, the adults who have in due course of time transformed from kids to parents, are informed that it isn’t good to have children glued watching silly cartoons. They learn nothing from them. It is a form of mindless entertainment.
I tend to shrug off most of these accusations as coming from adults who lack a certain sense of humour or as someone who hasn’t really sat and watched through the cartoons. Now don’t get me wrong, every good thing has its bad sides,the whole yin and yang things. But must we only focus on the negative? I enjoy a good cartoon as much as my 5 and 7 year olds do and sometimes a little bit more! And I am of the opinion that cartoons not only entertain, they also teach! Ah don’t gasp friends, it is true. Allow me to demonstrate.
Recently my husband and I had a live demo of one such incident. We were asked, one evening to be an audience to a two-member show, put up by my then 6 year old son and 4 year old daughter. The props were one half of the cover of their plastic toy box. This was a just a flat sheet of plastic. I didn’t realize it then, but their other prop was my daughter. The demonstration: my son vigoursly rubbed the sheet on his t-shirt and then placed it one inch above my daughter’s head. Result: all the hair on the top of her head stood up. Reason: (as explained by my children) “mom, dad, see this is static electricity”!!
We were agog! Wow! There we sat, two proud people, as only parents and owners of show dogs can be! What a way to learn about science! We decided that it was worth the enormous school fees that we shell out annually, if teaching had become this advanced and experiential. I asked my son, if this was a science experiment from school. To which he replied, ‘No, ma, we just learnt this from Mr. Bean!’
If one really sits through cartoons, you will realize that most often there is a message. Sometimes subtle and sometimes not. But enough to know that it isn’t just a waste of time. My children have learnt to ‘clean up’ their room from Barney. To share from ‘Mickey Mouse and Friends’, that winning isn’t everything from Lightning Mcqueen in Cars, that onions and ogres have ‘layers’ from Shrek, experimenting with Phineas and Ferb. Lessons on confidence, lessons on friendship. Even word building. It also allows me to conduct mock quizzes based on favourite cartoon shows. Its a time for them to show off that they know more than mommy!
What we don’t realize is that today’s children are very visually oriented. They are the next generation. So if they learn differently from us, it doesn’t mean the technique or they way they have learnt is wrong, just that we need to include that learning as well.
So while, I am not propagating that TV be the medium of instruction for your kid or, God forbid, you hire Mr. Bean as your child’s tutor, I am suggesting that we adults should view cartoons as more than just mere animation. But something that sticks to a young mind and leaves an impression.
That said, all the more reason that the ‘negative’ part of animation be closely monitored and preferably avoided. Which brings me back to where I started. All parents must watch cartoons along with their children or else be aware of what they are watching. So enjoy watching your children enjoy their world of imagination and wonder and dive into that world yourself. Getting in touch with your inner child will be that much more easier.
Now to borrow a line from a famous cartoon show…”That’s all folks!